Wednesday, March 7, 2012

embrace the porcupine

there are things in life that are just painful.  some things land on you by surprise, out of the blue.  some things you see afar off;  you cannot escape them, you know they will hurt, they will poke holes in you,  you have no choice about them…yet somehow you must accept them, believing that over and above it all, God is good, that all things work together for good for those that love him, who are called according to his purpose. 
such is life.  such is my life…at least a portion of it at this particular season. 
over the past 2 years or so, it seems like for the first time in my life i’m experiencing what it’s like to be plugged into the body of Christ in a significant way, to have deep connections with brothers around me, connections fostered and encouraged by the fact that, again, almost for the first time in my adult life, we're not going anywhere anytime soon…we are rooted here…a precious thing.  and so, i’ve been learning how to make brothers and how to have brothers.  and now i must learn how to relinquish one of these. 
a week ago today i drove with my good friend mike to help him move to a new home in CO.  he feels God’s call on his life is not here, but there.  i had dreaded his departure for way more than a year…sensing its relentless, inevitable, merciless and penetrating approach.  but i could not just watch him drive away.  so i accompanied him on one of the best and one of the hardest trips of my life.  
it’s now a done deal.  and in CO is a huge part of me.  the hole left inside is enormous. i have pre-grieved this for a long time now.  it hurts now.  more will come.
i had seen this coming at me, and i could do nothing about it.   this is now his life and his future; i must embrace this as my future as well.  i am supremely grateful for the time our paths converged.  maybe they will again intertwine in a more than casual way.  in the meantime, somehow i must discover the presence of God in the middle of it all.